Learning to dance

Today I was blessed to spend a few hours with my midwife who is also a personal friend, we met up for lunch and I got to visit with her and cuddle with her adorable 5 and a half month old while we caught up. And it reminded me of how full and amazing my life has become over the a few years time.

Over the last few years I have learned to open up and draw in people in my life because my soul is attracted to them and I feel safe in my own skin and centered in who I am and who they are. I no longer allow access to others who bring toxicity, negativity or unhealthy behaviors into my life. The healthy boundaries I've learned to integrate into my life have come full circle in ways I never expected. They not only have kept out the bad people from my life but have welcomed the healthy people into my life.

As we sat and visited, I loved listening to her gush about her amazing little rainbow baby and thinking back to the moments that we were bonded together as she had lost her last child while I waited to birth my surrogate baby and the joy and peace just radiated from her and warmed my heart to the core. Catching up on her older daughters and hearing about life and her midwife practice was such great conversation, we both can talk for hours about our kids and birthing babies lol. These are the moments that you realize you have learned to dance in the moment and that the rain didn't last forever. I shared and gushed with her about BK and our family that we've managed to form with the ease and comfort of a couple that's been together for decades. I let her know that this man had always been meant to have my heart and soul but we just had to wait a few decades to become who we were to have it with each other. I described him to her and she told me how much it sounded like her amazing hubby and her relief for me to be in such a healthy and good relationship made me smile with tears in my eyes.

She said something that completely caught me off guard. She said how no matter what chaos had come into my life I still always managed to live in the now and find the joy in the moments. This was such a huge compliment to me that I was speechless. I've not always been able to see the joy in the moments, there have been times I've been nothing but terrified. But once I left my ex I vowed to no longer live in fear. And I realized. I have learned to dance . . . just like the Leeann Womack song, I still feel small by the ocean, I still find the wonder in the moments and I will dance until I no longer can. This learning to dance has been painful and slow, but how very worthwhile it all has been. And I have the best partner to dance it with, the best friends to support me and the best life to soak up and enjoy. Leaning to dance was the best thing I ever set my mind to do.