Not everyone has good within them

I was watching the most recent Captain America movie and it got me thinking about how we all believe there is good within each and every person. We think that no matter how bad of things they've done or do, deep down, somewhere underneath all the nasty . . . there is a glimmer of hope and goodness within their souls.

The hardest part of dealing with a borderline is realizing that these types of people don't have much good in them. No matter how good you are to them, how much you help them, how much you sacrifice for them, how much you fill their cup, or what you do for them they are unable to do good in return because they are made to fill their own cups only.

I never do for others in hopes of any pay back. I don't work that way and never have. I do for others because I feel putting out the good in the world is what we are meant to do. I believe in helping others before myself. I'm a caretaker by nature and a peacemaker at heart. Probably why I am such a great target for the many narcissistic borderlines I've seen come and go through my life. And probably why I use to believe more than anything that EVERYONE has a spot of good within their hearts. Doesn't everyone do for others as they would have done for themselves?

You see it in the movies - the evil villain knows the hero, the hero tries to save the villain, the villain almost kills the hero, and then suddenly one single, itty bitty, little moment of humanity shows through and the villain doesn't kill the hero and shows them mercy or they save the hero. Happy ending, yay for humanity, even the villains can be saved.

But this isn't reality. I think it's why I stayed for so very long. I kept hoping that my ex would show a semblance of humanity and somehow, someway he would be able to save the marriage with a simple word or by turning from his old ways. But with time, as I've learned more and more about borderlines, I realize it isn't because they don't want to. It is because they simply cannot. At an early age all of their healthy emotions, empathy, cognition, love and hope was stunted and extinguished. They don't possess the mental capability to have those emotions, use them, and act on them. They CAN pretend to, they CAN mimic them, they CAN and do try them on for size. But a true borderline never owns them, never follows through with them, and eventually returns to their normal, unfeeling, villain-like ways. They cannot change, no matter how many times they scream to the world that they have changed their ways.

Facing that reality was probably the harshest, most heart breaking part of my divorce. I don't know why. Maybe because I was the hopeless romantic. Maybe because I believed there was good in everyone and there was always hope. Maybe  because I had to realize, not everyone possesses good within their souls and not everyone ends up in heaven, and while I don't expect every person to be a hero the reality is villains do exist and they are just as dark, evil, and bad as they are portrayed in the movies but they don't hold a glimmer of hope within themselves.

And I've come to terms with it. They are who they are and there is no changing some people. I get to live my life, pray for others, be content and thankful for my life, not let the harshness of reality ruin the sunshine around me and teach my children to love like there is no tomorrow. Not everyone has good within them, but we can still be good to them.