Today I was able to break out of the house for my post-op appointment and a lunch date with my husband. Surgery was ten days ago and I've been stuck inside the house taking it easy, my least favorite thing to do. I tend to go too fast too soon with my recoveries but vaginal un-medicated births are a whole different ball of wax entirely. So, this time around I've been determined to listen to doctor's orders and do as told.
Everything was fine, incision looks great and will barely be noticeable. In reality nobody but BK will ever see it as it is below the bikini line. But this was something I was really concerned with. How noticeable would the incision be, would I have a reminder and a sign screaming to the world I had surgery? The answer is no. Ten days out and it looks like a light wrinkle and one I realize with time won't bother me nearly as much as I'd been concerned with. Today's appointment and a suggestion from a dear friend (who has been another person in my village and supporting me emotionally and mentally since I first came home from the doctor's appointment knowing this had to be done) spurred today's post. There is a lot out there in regards to research and Dr. Google. But I did a great job steering clear of over educating myself on the procedure and recovery because I knew I'd say, "Oh heck no, I'm NOT putting my body through that". So here is my list of the top things I wish I'd known before surgery without having to peel through the horror war stories and goriness of surgery videos.
1) Trust, know and communicate your reactions to medications, all that will be used for surgery and recovery- I had to learn this the hard way with my allergic reactions. Had I gone in prepared that the pain medications would attack my body and I'd be so drugged out on medications trying to stop the rashes, burning, vomiting and vertigo I believe mentally it wouldn't have been so hard. Had I pushed harder with the anesthesiologist that what I was telling him about my previous allergic reactions were not simply side effects, I would have avoided a lot of extra pain. If you've had negative reactions in the past to medications, don't let others convince you now is the time to try those medications again with promises you will have different reactions. After having an abdominal incision and a body organ removed is not the time to have to be a warrior and bend over the hospital bed throwing up repeatedly wishing you'd just black out already to escape the pain. Trust your history and if the care providers cannot accept that, push till they do listen. Be your own advocate.
2) Round ligament pain isn't just for pregnancy - ever since the evening of my surgery I have had to deal with recurrent stabbing pain that burns in the groin region. Initially I was terrified this was a hernia from all the vomiting in the hospital. Ends up when they remove the uterus this means they need to disconnect anything on it, around it, to it. The round ligament is one of those lovelies. The sharp, burning, stabbing, almost debilitating pain I've experienced when trying to stand, sit up quickly, sit down or get up from the toilet, or lift my legs too suddenly - all are related to what the round ligament also went through when they removed the uterus. What helps? Time. Apparently this is a wait and see issue. Over time the pain should lessen and the round ligament should heal and quit being so finicky. Knowing this helped me be far less anxious about what was going on (or wrong).
3) The incision may not be where you will hurt the most - I think this is what surprised me the most. Because my spinal had worn off by the time I woke up from surgery I was able to feel everything at that point (what I'd been hoping to avoid by accepting the spinal I really had not wanted in the first place). My incision did not hurt, sore is a better word for it. Even when I was finally able to get up and move around 24 hours after surgery, I was surprised it was not as painful as I had been psyching myself up for. The brunt of my pain was in my lower back, same as where I exhibit labor in childbirth and pain when I'm sick. There's a part B to this one:
3b) Unrelenting child birth-like pain on repeat - This was something I was not equipped or prepared to deal with in recovery. But low and behold, my lower back felt as if it were in the midst of full-blown, unmedicated, transitional labor. After about 5 hours of this pain on top of the reaction to the medications I was begging for a time machine and wishing I'd never consented to the surgery. Had I known better I would have pushed for Toradol to get the pain under control and managed (the only thing that did not cause me to vomit). If you've had any type of birth or pregnancy trauma, hour upon hour of unrelenting labor pain while knowing there is no baby and that you just removed the organ that houses babies will mentally be a kick in the gut. This was the hardest part of my entire surgery and recovery experience.
4) Nurses will not nurse you through recovery in some hospitals - So bring a support person. Between abdominal surgery, the business of hospitals, the reality of a life altering surgery and any unresolved business you may have you will want someone there to be your advocate, friend, confidante or to simply just help you to and from the bathroom. While I would love to sugar coat it, my own experience was horrible. I went hours ignored, my blood pressure bottomed out with zero response from the nursing staff, I was given absolutely no options for my allergic reactions to manage the pain, and had to repeatedly ask for my catheter to be removed and allowed to get up and moving. By the end of my stay I'd been given such poor care by the nurses that when my husband called the surgeon to ask for discharge and he was asked why, his explanation of what had gone on over the 24 hours since my surgery caused the surgeon to call immediately and get my discharge prioritized. Having my husband there was what saved my sanity through out all of this. When I realized I couldn't shower alone, or sit down to use the bathroom as easily as I was used to the nurses just walked away. Had my husband not been there, I think I would have had a much different outlook at my recovery period.
5) It's okay to cry - I was surprised by the emotion left in me the days following surgery. While this was the best choice for my health and future risks of cancer, it was still the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I've had moments of brief sadness, bitterness, anger, relief, and hope. All intermingle and work together. While I know motherhood is not permanently shut down with a hysterectomy, it absolutely means wanting to have more children takes on a new route either by adoption, surrogacy, or fostering. These are huge. Take the time to work through the emotions related to that realization. Even women who think they are 100% done, are surprised by the emotions that come up surrounding this. I've talked with women who even though they are done, the finality of the decision and it no longer being left up to them is hard to accept. Some feel guilty for being so relieved those years are done. Regardless, we all process and accept and work through life changing moments differently. Don't be afraid to talk or cry or write through them all. This is heavy stuff.
6) While this may be an every day occurrence to the doctor or nurses or everyone else, it's okay to feel it's a huge deal in your world - Until today I kept comparing this to a c-section. Women do it every day and surgeons do it multiple times a day. My surgeon is very efficient, direct, skilled and obviously knows what he is doing. To him I think he leans towards the side of 'No fuss, no muss'. To you though, this is okay if you feel it is a big deal. You will never be the same again after surgery. That's okay to acknowledge. And if you get too far into that spectrum and start to freak out, be gentle and remind yourself you also were not the same after marrying, becoming a mother, having more children and so on. Everything changes you. It's okay to realize this, own it and move forward with it. It's part of your journey.
7) You may not heal as quickly as you would from a c-section - This was something else that has hindered me until my post-op appointment. The doctor reminded me that it takes two to six months to be back to normal. I wish someone had reminded me going into surgery the differences between a total hysterectomy and a c-section. I think it would have given me more permission to not be so hard on myself. I'm ten days out and while I look perfectly fine from the outside, a lot is still healing internally. I'm cleared to drive, but I'm going to be sore. The round ligament pain is going to attack suddenly for awhile yet, without warning. I still cannot lift our 22 month old or three year old and my husband will be home for another three weeks with us. Part of the reasoning they gave me behind why they taper the pain meds off sooner vs. later is because it keeps women from doing too much too soon. I laughed when the doctor said this and promised not to overdo it (my husband reassured him I wasn't lol) as the measly Tylenol 3 wasn't exactly super powering me into cleaning or cooking or lifting our 35 pound toddler around the house. So slow and steady, there is no race for who gets back to work first or who returns to their marathon or rowing training faster than others. Listen to your body, take it easy, and give yourself grace.
No comments:
Post a Comment