Grandmothers

When asked by someone my definition of a good grandmother, it brought me to pondering and the following response.

"This is an incredibly emotional topic for me. But in an amazingly good way. I grew up with a mother who was bi-polar. To the part of being unable to function in my high school years and i was left behind by 3 older sisters (7-9 years older than me) to raise my 2 younger sisters pretty much on my own while our dad worked insane amounts of hours. It was a lot. And with that, i grew up pretty much without a mother figure. When she was around i went from hate to abandonment in my relationship with her.

When i found out i was pregnant with my first, i was terrified. All the self doubt and fears of being a good mother surfaced. I feared i would turn into my mother, and wept that my children would not only have an absentee grandmother but a mother who was out of touch. Clearly Someone knew better than I. 6 years later, not only has my mother found effective and healthy treatment, I am able to mother because of the lessons learned in my childhood for my little sisters. My mother now, wow. While i may not have had the best mother, i truly have the best grandmother I could EVER ask for for my children. The gift i have been given in the grandmother my children have, is a remothering experience for myself and today i do have the best mother i could ask for as well. I love my mother more than i ever thought possible, we have a strong relationship and should this little one be a girl. . . she will be proudly bestowed a name of my mother's. My mother came into her own in the years she turned into a grandmother and fought for herself. She showed us strength and perseverance to be happy, healthy and whole because SHE deserved it. A lesson i will never forget or waste.

Ok on to my definition of a wonderful grandmother. It is the description of my mother. She never 2nd guesses my parental judgements. She is always supportive leaving the nagging, bossing or fear mongering out of our relationship. When my youngest grew incredibly ill from vaccines and we chose to stop vaccinating, while she was hesitant she was willing to educate herself on our decisions and now if fully supportive of all who are anti-vaccine. With homebirth, she thought it wasn't the best choice but held the opinion to herself till afterwards and then told us how proud and amazed she was at our strength in knowing what was perfect for our family. She never puts me down in any way, shape or form. She is only supportive of me and when i come to her, 2nd guessing my judgement she constructively will walk me through the pros and cons helping me to lead myself to the answer that is right for us and our family. When she doesnt agree it never comes across as critisism. But simply as her opinion and an option. This is rare but we always appreciate her words of wisdom. And when she has told us that we parent far better than her and my stength and ability have never shown a need for others input because i am so intune with my parenting, i feel humbled.

Love. Love truly can heal all wounds and join together all boundaries. The love my mother has in her heart and eyes for my children (and for me and my dh) is the salve on my soul that makes me weep just realizing HOW much my children are loved by her. She would put her life before theirs, but never needs to because we don't ask it of her. The joy she receives from my children shows us that it is a relationship, going both ways. One that all parties are sure to nurture and tend to as carefully as a prized garden. My children's excitement and love for their grandmother, keeps us in a part of the state we don't exactly love but realize the relationship they have with her is something rare, strong and worth sustaining. And the ability for us to have learned to ask for help (we are a very self sustaining, stubborn couple) has taught us a humbleness and gentelness in parenting and love that we never knew existed. She taught it to us by never forcing herself or her beliefs on us. Instead her gentle words of love and support have only drawn us more near to her.

The safe place that my children have in this world, is worth more than every single peice of gold in the world over. My children have that safe place to fall, that i longed for my entire youth. My children will never question what it is like to not be loved. They will never feel doubt in themselves because of an absentee family. Instead, they are confident, attached and secure little people who not only receive reinforcement from their parents but from their grandparents. While we don't have a grandmother who is there for over night visits or loads of babysitting (she cant due to meds) we feel we have the worlds best grandmother because emotionally she has instilled in our children unconditional love, which is all we pray for the world to give to them. My mother, my girl's grandmother, is truly the most wonderful blessing in this entire world that we have been freely given. I wouldn't trade her for millions of dollars, an different childhood, a straight path paved with ease, or anything. God knew that in this life, i needed a Grandmother for my children, and He provided.