Pictures from DH's homecoming:
I will say that in the future when he goes away for training (will happen a lot with his job) that I will pick him up myself if possible. It was great seeing him coming down the escalator and the girls waving their signs for him, but this airport was a lot more crowded then when he came home for Labor Day Weekend and it was really hard to emit any real emotions while being watched by over 100 smiling people some of which started crying and clapping. I don't like being at the focus of ANY attention, so I felt extremely uncomfortable and had to choke away my own tears of joy as I tried to make sure we werent in the way as the girls bombrushed DH and stopped traffic going to the baggage claim for a few minutes. But the joy and disbelief on their faces was worth it all, and seeing dh get teary eyed in his ACU's made me realize why I love this sensitive teddy bear of a man. WE are his everything.
And now he's into his first week of work and loving his job. Next week he should go to a permanent schedule of 7 am to 3:30 pm which has us thrilled. That was his work schedule with ATT and with me homeschooling, afternoons i'm ready for reinforcements. He'll also be able to make their gymnastics and swimming that they start next week! So we are very excited.
I'm 20 weeks this weekend. Still fighting morning sickness, which i'm fed up with. But what can you do? I'm excited that i've not had a single problem with my kidney's or UTI's which i have had with EVERY pregnancy multiple times by this point. I've been working on envisioning and the whole nine yards and we have decided we'll be doing another home birth with new midwives. I'm confident in my decision and working diligently at healing from the last birth.
We are not finding out the sex of the babe this time. We decided that we'd like to be surprised since this is our last. We've decided 100% on a girls name, have had it since we first found out we were pregnant. ViviAnne Marie (pronounced Viv-E Anne), after my gma and mother. My gma's name is Vivian and my mother's middle name is Ann. So we've decided to combine the names, after the 2 strongest women in our lives. I believe it's important for girls to have strong female role models, and my mother and gma definately are. Ben insisted on using my middle name, much to my annoyance. But it's his turn to do the middle so I'm giving in. He insists i'm the strongest woman he knows so it fits. For a boy we've had a heck of a time with names. I'd rather not bother with it, but have been dreaming about boys (twins to be exact) so the list is being started with Cayler, Graysen and Micah. That's all we've come to agreement on. Dh loves traditional names like Jacob and Joshua. I have had dozens upon dozens of boyfriends, most of which had traditional names. . . so those names are out lol. Plus i like non mainstream names. Dh hates them. It's been a fun battle, one we aren't taking too seriously. I already told him if it's a boy he gets to pick anyways. Thankfully we have another 20 + weeks to figure it out.
Homeschooling is going. Some days i really struggle with it. Other days its the highlight of our days and we love learning together. Lately it's been a fierce battle with Kiki's hyperactive personality. She cannot sit still, Lyssa needs uninterupted peace and quiet. And it becomes the battle of the wills/needs, Lyssa usually trumping Kiki because she is the one in 1st grade. So after much discussion and many tears DH and i have agreed to look into preschool for Kiki. We will start her with 3 half days a week and see how she handles it. It saddens me, I get stuck in that self punishment thinking from time to time and insist I can do it all myself. But i'm only doing myself and my children a dis-service by believing that. And this may be Kiki's cup of tea, she is the one that needs to fully expel her energy daily. I can't do that with Lyssa's demands as well. So we are compromising. I pray she adores it!
Other than that, life is carrying on as it should. I'm looking forward to next year. Something i hate to do. But i'm still fighting the depression issues from ppd/surrogacy. At times i fear i'll never be the same person. That i willfully gave away my spirit when signing on. But then I realize, that's not my style. Never has been, never will. I never give up on anything. So I just do the best I can. Vow to make each day the best I can, pray that my children feel loved every night as they lay their heads on their pillows, continue with therapy and nurturing myself and look forward to the moment when I no longer feel as if I am stuck in this fog. I know it will happen, one day. But 2009 was not my favorite year and 2010 has started off with turbulence. I'm also working on a huge life lesson. I'm trying to learn how to be taken care of. It's something i've never had. I've always been the one to take care of others. And finally in the 29th year in my life, i'm realizing I need a bit of it myself. Thankfully, DH has come home and eagerly taken on the role. He knows my soul is like a garden right now, it just needs a bit of sunshine, light, weeding and love. I pray he's patient enough to get through to the stage of blooming, I'm sure it will happen eventually. . . just not sure how bad the weather will be in the meantime.
Have I said before how lucky I am to have found a man who is willing to be my partner and not just my husband? Because I am. We aren't perfect and we don't have everything figured out. Our lives are not all sunshiny and perfect. But it's a life worth living because we have each other and are there for each other. It's like the soldier's creed. "Never leave a soldier behind". And we never have and never will.
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