I honestly don't know if anyone reads this anymore, and I'm ok with that. I never started this as a way to shout my thoughts out to the masses. Instead it started as a way to get down my day to day life and the fleeting moments I found myself losing as a young mom. I was thrown into parenthood and found I had lost a lot of myself and just wanted a tangible way to keep pieces of it. By that point in time I'd already been blogging for three previous years, but due to my inability to back up the data I lost it all. And so as I comb over the past years of this space, I find myself wanting to do something with it.
I have never in my entire life made a new year's resolution. Don't believe in them, don't care for them and don't think they are worth the time of day as most people quickly leave them behind. I am an action type of gal and unless I have made headway I don't usually announce what I'm doing to the world. Much like my surrogacies and half marathon, I didn't let anyone know until it was too late and I was invested and halfway there.
But this year, 2014 . . . I find myself thinking differently. I have one deep, unquenchable resolution that is there and has been bubbling underneath the surface for years. And maybe, just maybe . . . this is the year to say it out loud. I want to share my story. I have wanted to write for years, and I acknowledge that I am untrained and my grammar is atrocious and I have many errors. But, still. . . for the dozens and dozens of women I meet who share a similar story and are hushed into silence, I want to write and speak and share.
This year I will start writing my story. 2014 is the year I will no longer be held silent by a fear of him. He didn't kill me. He didn't beat it out of me. And he didn't ruin me. So this is the year, after two years of slowly taking the time to get back on my feet and 11 years of silence. I'm not sure when, or how or what will come of it. But, I believe this is the year to start writing and speaking and sharing. This is the final piece of my phoenix process. Ironic as I feel the deep inner desire to finish my phoenix shoulder tattoo sleeve.
Happy New Year's y'all!!!
1 comment:
You are a strong woman. Your story will help someone out there, I know it will. You amaze me with all the many things you put your mind to and accomplish. What an amazing mother you are and have such a strong will about you. I have always seen that in you. You don't march to the beat of anyone's drum but your own. Can't wait to read your story.
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