Rolling right along about sums it up. I'm ready for winter to be over and the sick season as I haven't ran but once since my half over two months ago and my body and mind are anxious to be back out on the track. This week the kids are home sick, so I've been forced to sit out yet another precious week of training time.
It's also 68 days till my baby sister's wedding, she's the last of us six girls to be married and I'd really like to drop about 20 pounds for photos. I'm the only single sister of the bunch and will already stick out like a sore thumb, I'd at least like to be a hot sore thumb lol.
I'm still working about 20 hours a week with in the surrogacy field, love it but I do miss the simplicity and calm of being a stay at home mom. Speaking of surrogacy, I've got the bug again. Seems about right as I'll be a year out in March. Doesn't help that the other day the thought of never giving birth at home again or being involved in the home birth community at all made me feel as if I was missing the biggest part of my heart.
Today I realized I'm over halfway into my junior year at AMU as a psychology major. Just the other day it felt as if I was never going to graduate and I wasn't getting anywhere. So I sat down and went through my academic plan feeling the panic set in that I wasn't following my midwifery dreams, I wasn't anywhere near to my BA and I was throwing away tens of thousands of dollars and building my debt for nothing. I was dead set I was going to ditch my BA and head to the AA in Midwifery route and find an apprenticeship, but then the realities of lack of childcare, middle of the night births and the crazy schedule my kids already endure hit me square in the face. I spent a day or two totally depressed and wondering where in the world I was meant to go on this journey of life.
And then I looked at my credits, looked up to see what year I was in and the realization that I'm only 17 units from starting my senior year slapped me across the face. Wait, say what??? How did that happen? The pay off of going to school fulltime without taking any breaks was finally paying off. I'm only 23 weeks from being a senior and being closer to the finish line than I've ever been so far. 6 months is not that far off, because after that I will graduate in 4 semesters! So I spent an hour and a half going over my options. Originally I wanted to transfer to the local CSU so my kids could see me walk and get my diploma. But I'm no where near to having my son ready for full time daycare after preschool and I won't do that to him yet. So I decided I'll just finish through AMU and get my BA.
By the time I graduate my son will be in kindergarten, so I'll take the year off of school, maybe do one last surrogacy and pay off my student loans and put aside money for midwifery school. I'll volunteer in class, keep working part time and enjoy the year with my babies. Then once he is in first grade and full day school, I'll hopefully have found an apprenticeship and I will start on my AA in midwifery and the 2 years it takes to become a CPM (certified professional midwife). Then hopefully I'll be able to open my own home birth practice or find a partner to work with, I'll be 38/39 and my babies will be in middle and elementary school. Or at least that's the tentative plan I have chalked out to help me feel as if I'm still following my dreams while still taking into account my babies needs. As well as being open to the new possibilities that have entered into my life for love, something I'll talk about in another post when I'm ready!
Suddenly, 40 doesn't seem so scary and formidable. I have a feeling 40's are going to be just as amazing as 30's, if not better. So far 30's have been pretty amazing as I set goals, mark them off the list and spread my wings. I'm truly excited to see how the next few years go and pray that I'm able to accomplish the goals I have set. I deserve it, my babies deserve it and I'm grateful for the opportunity just to try.
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