Let the obsessing begin

With surrogacy comes lots of obsessing. We obsess over finding the right match, this can take anywhere from weeks to months or more than a year. Then we move on to obsess over contracts, making sure everything is right and we are protected. Then comes the obsession over getting cycles timed just right. Anything from your period to a bad u/s or screening appointment can throw off the whole timing and sometimes it means you have to wait a month or a few.

 

Then finally we are to the point of getting ready to cycle and depending on if you are a gestational surrogate or traditional surrogate and if you are doing a medicated cycle or not . . .the obsessing starts over medication protocol or OPK testing.

 

I have been obsessing over OPKs the last 2 weeks. This was my first time ever using them and they were quite a lot of fun to use, i will admit! They were rather easy to use, but I would start obsessing and use them every few hours, just to make sure I didn't miss the window. And thank goodness I did as I got my BFP (big fat positive) in the morning (whereas I'd read that usually you got them in the evening). But it was at about 9 am and I knew it wasn't due to FMU (first morning urine) as I'd already been up and active since 6:30 am.

 

Of course since then I have used at least 2 dozen more, just to see how my cycles work and what happens. I'm a fairly simple girl and fertility has never been mind boggling to me. My body is simple and tells me everything I need to know and so I have never had to chart, use OPKs are take my basal body temperature. Until now. And it is rather un-nerving and overwhelming. DH and I have been really lucky that during my teens I had one great OB-GYN who explained what was going on with my bodies and how to keep track of them. After that I was always able to keep track in my head and never charted. Eventually I learned when I was ovulating and when it came to the conception of our 2 oldest children we had no issues conceiving the first time for each of them. With DS, well he was a fluke. We were neither trying nor did I know that I would double ovulate (and I no longer believe what I've read about how you can double ovulate with in 24 hours of releasing your first egg as I had to of double ovulated over 72 hours after my first ovulation for DS to even be in our arms, and well . . . he is). So as you see, we've had no pressure, no need to obsess and no worries when TTC (trying to conceive) our own.

 

Surrogacy is a whole 'nother ball game. No longer is it about you and your loved one going and having a bit of fun time. It's a scientific process, with loads of money on the line and a lot of years of heartbreak and hopes that you are driven to deliver that this be the month to their ever waiting dream of parenthood.

 

And my obsessing wont stop anytime soon. I have been obsessing over my charts (why in the world did I get a fallback temperature after my thermal shift?) and trying to see every little thing that COULD be wrong with them (Oh no! Maybe my ovulation isn't actually happening and my body just geared up for it, after all my thermal shift ONLY lasted 2 days instead of the 3 that everyone deems equating to ovulation. What if at 31, I'm too old? Come on eggs, don't fail me now!). Yep, every little thing is under scrutiny at this point. And I'm sure I wont rest until I have that BFP. Which really is just a lie, because then I'll obsess about every little symptom making sure the pregnancy continues, until we have the ultrasound to confirm heartbeat and then the 12 week nuchal translucency test to make sure all is well with the sweet bean. Then of course we obsess about our changing bodies and trying to share every thing we can with our IPs (Intended Parents) and then at 20 weeks we obsess that all is well with the babe as we see it up on a screen and find out the sex of the baby. And then we have 20-22 more weeks to obsess over our health, the baby's health, the IP's journey, are we doing a good enough job of involving the, juggling the demands of a pregnancy and trying not to whine to our IPs so that they can enjoy every last second but still being honest with them about our physical and emotional status, and then finally we get to obsess about the birth.

 

You'd think it would all be over and we could finally sit and rest, right? Nope, then we obsess about our milk coming in, our postpartum bodies, pumping, and those final days/months of time we get to spend with the IPs and their new baby. Many surrogates pump and that becomes an obsession all of it's own, with numerous pumping sessions, keeping up enough calories to sustain milk and so on.

 

Yep, lots of obsessing. Thankfully we have our own community of surrogates and IPs and we all 'get' each other and what stage we are in. And instead of calling it obsession, we call it doing our job and it is actually very fulfilling to know that we are helping others fulfill their dreams.

 

So as I enter the 2ww, let the obsessing begin. Who wants to guess how many HPT's I'll be going through in that time frame?!