Picking my battles

I have learned that with the ex I have to pick my battles. Things of safety concern are non-negotiable. They are brought up and handled. But I always do so in emails, with calmness and respect. Usually they get ignored and so I document, document and document.

On other issues, I have to pray a lot and breath through my mouth. Tonight my son was returned to me with a 'high and tight' haircut. For those not familiar with military speak, this is a hair cut where it is the shortest fade away from bald and then the top is only a bit longer. It is a typical military hair cut and one i've never cared for, the ex knows this.

Sunday, I took out the clippers and decided to cut DS's hair because it had been almost 7 months since his first and last hair cut. I did pretty flipping good for my first cut ever. The fade in the back was not the shortest and there were a few spots where it was longer because he was squirmy and I have no one to help me. The top though, I left a few inches long so he can have a fauxhawk, which he LOVES having. Everywhere we went today, we literally got dozens of compliments. Everyone thought he looked adorable (he did) and I was excited for pictures that are coming up (that will now be put off or cancelled).

Tonight, the ex arrived for visitation and immediately commented on DS's hair, laughing and saying out loud how awful it looked. Putting me down and trying to make me feel like crap over DS's hair. Dude, your kid is 2 and he understands EVERYTHING you say. He knows you're making fun and putting him down, stop it. I told him it was perfect and fine, they left.

I got a phone call around 5:43 pm tonight, which I wasn't able to get to because I was on the other line and the ex left a message informing me that he did not have middle dd's math homework pages but he was scrambling to get everything else done for the girls' homework. No mention of the hair, nor did he ask me to call him back. I received another phone call at 7:30 pm (the time the kids are suppose to be home from visitation) and he said they were on their way and about 10 minutes out.

They get home 20 minutes late, none in pajamas and none of them tired even though it was past their bedtime and I take one look at my son and i about froze. His hair was GONE. It was so short, and he is so blonde that at first I thought he'd shaved it all off. My heart went into my throat and I took him and realized it was still there but it was not how I had sent him to his fathers' and asked why he had cut our son's hair. The ex laughed it off and said, "Because it f***ing looks better". He then proceeds to say how i should be thankful that he 'fixed it' a midst doing homework and dinner and everything else that he had to rush to do in his short visitation time. I was speechless. I have sole legal custody and quite honestly there is no reason to cut a 2 year olds' hair only 2 days after having gotten a hair cut, except to try to piss me off. And this man has never ever cared about the kids' haircuts. He actually sends them home from every single visitation with tangled hair that isn't ever brushed and the girls' have needed a haircut for the last month!!!

So I politely emailed him and told him not to get the childrens' hair cut again as it is image altering and not allowed and to switch all future communication to his personal email instead of his work email address. He responded from his work email address with:

"Wow-i cannot believe that you got angry over me fixing your poor haircut that was blotchy and uneven. My roomie assumed that you had let the girls cut his hair. I will not pay you for a picture deposit. His hair looked awful when he got here and I fixed it. I did not make it shorter. I made it even. Have a good evening."

Picking my battles that is for sure. But it doesn't mean that this wont be documented and stored away with everything else that he has done to try to pick fights with me. As well as document his lies. He faded it at least one 'shade' shorter and the top is missing at least an inch, i cut his hair and i have pictures there is a CLEAR difference. Second, did he ever think that i didn't do it that short because our son is just as fair as he is and burns so easily. It is not the end of the world, it will grow back and yes it is just hair. But he is my baby, the last and my only boy and there's more to this that saddens my heart. His hair grows in ever so slowly and still very thin and fine, he still has baby hair. And for his dad to just whack it off for 'ego' really saddens me and makes me think of the bigger picture.

I just pray and hope that my poor son's self esteem isn't tainted by this. I firmly believe our children are receptive and open to everything from birth on which includes criticism and whatnot at these early ages. And the fact that the ex couldn't with hold his opinion on his son's haircut says a lot about the type of man he is. Who makes fun of a 2 year old???

This is just the start of his verbal abuse and I know it won't end. Especially since he never bonded with our son and has always been very judgmental about him (he use to tell everyone he wasn't his). To tease and make fun of a 2 year old, saddens me to no end. To be so picky and upset over his sons' haircut who again, is only TWO, makes no sense to me. To make fun of it, with his 'roomie' in front of his son and most likely in front of his 6 and 8 year old daughters'  . . . who does that? Oh but im forgetting, i'm dealing with a Narcissist who cared more about how he looked than he ever did about paying bills on time.