I've kept fairly quiet, partially hoping the hype would pass in media and Hollywood . . . but much to my dismay I don't think '50 Shades of Grey' is going to die down. Instead I think it's going to be made into a movie, more books are going to be published and modern day society is going to accept and push a glamorized Narcissist into it's fold or heros.
This saddens and disgusts me. I refuse to read the books, I won't put profit into the hands of something I feel is an extremely disturbing book and subject, that isn't even properly covered. I also have no desire to trigger my own emotional health, as I personally have lived life with my own 'Grey' and trust me, there is nothing glamorous about living this lifestyle or being in love with such a man. So if I have any false opinions about this series, feel free to realize they are simply opinions based on what friends have discussed with me about the book.
I am quite surprised that psychologists and women's right advocates are not speaking out about this more. You have a story line of a damaged girl, who falls in 'love' with a man who abuses her, torments her, manipulates her to do things you shouldn't have to do in a healthy love/sexual relationship, who controls her, cuts her off and then emotionally and physically blackmails her to keep her. And yet all through it she is claiming that she 'loves' this man, that he has good in him and she chose the good with the bad? Isn't that what we all want to think of the Narcissists before we see him with his mask off? But here, this book shows his true face and somehow millions of women (and men i'm sure) have fallen in love with him thinking it is oh so romantic and kinky?
Kink is one thing. What you do in your bedroom is between you and your partner. But abuse is not healthy, nor should it ever be accepted as a normal healthy sexual relationship, even under the guise of 'S & M' or 'bondage' or whatever else you'd like to claim it to be. Yes, i have people I know who participate in an underground lifestyle of sexual perversions. If you don't like my opinion, feel free to stop reading my blog, unfriend me and walk away. I've come to my conclusions because i've seen the abuse, the thrill seeking and the lines that have been unable to be drawn by many in this community and so they go online and publish pictures, stories and proof of sodomy, rape, abuse, and horrific things all in the name of 'getting off'. I've seen men become unable to draw the line and soon the thrill is not enough and it rolls out of control. I've been in the hands of a 'Grey' and I can tell you, the feelings that a healthy individual are left with after such sexual encounters, are nothing near the feelings of this fantasy series.
We as a society are accepting yet another base, crude and abusive book and spotlighting it as all the rage. We are bringing ourselves down at a level to accept inhumane actions (again this book sounds to be pretty tame and not a true depiction of the true people who live this lifestyle from what i've personally witnessed at the hands of my own 'Grey' and on dozens of hidden websites and emails from my him). Rape is not love, regardless if it is a fantasy. Harming another human being because you need to control someone is not acceptable, in any fashion. Needing to cheat and put your loved one at risk for a deadly disease, all in the name of the thrill is dangerous and has life long impacts. And yet, our society is reading away, getting swept up in this fictional character wishing they had their own romantic lover who would fight with them, dominate them, and then make it all better.
I use to think the same when it was first all presented to me, then i barely escaped one. Now i know how unhealthy this type of abusive love can be and how it can poison your mind, give you an addiction to the abuse 'dance' and make you incapable of making healthy decisions. Thank God i got away from it all. But you can bet your last dollar, I personally will not be contributing to this glamorization of Narcissism nor ever give my friends, family or children any reason to believe that living with someone like this is ok, acceptable or fun.
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