I have always known about food allergies, I was married to a guy for a decade who was very allergic to shellfish and I learned the hard way how serious it can get. I'll never forget the time we had a family bbq and shellfish was mine and my dad's favorite so we grilled it. But knowing the allergy of my at the time husband, we carefully made sure to put it in a foil wrap so that it couldn't contaminate the grilled chicken on the other end of our very large bbq.
Imagine our surprise when halfway through dinner he started to gasp for air, get itchy and wasn't feeling too hot. All we could figure was the steam must have somehow gotten to the other end of the open bbq and that alone was causing an anaphylactic reaction, which thankfully half a bottle of benedryl calmed down enough for us not to have to take him into the hospital.
So for years I was so hyperaware I cut shellfish out of my diet, and then longer when my middle daughter began projectile vomiting after breastfeeding (i had had shrimp for dinner as a treat that night). Needless to say I wasn't the least bit surprised when my son (child #3) tested positive for shellfish allergy. We already knew he had a dairy allergy and i had that under control. But what did surprise me was my son's allergy test results for nuts and seeds - except for peanuts he was very allergic. Suddenly it made sense why despite being on top of it and cutting all dairy out of his diet he still was miserable with not sleeping, explosive diarrhea, major gastrointestinal issues, rashes, shadows under his eyes and various other problems. So the allergist recommended we cut out all seeds and nuts, and to be particularly mindful of sunflower.
Imagine my surprise as i was roaming the grocery aisles feeling completely overwhelmed at having to cut yet more food out of his already restrictive diet, only to find sunflower oil is used in the vast majority of foods these days as it is easier to manufacture and cheaper than canola oil. I had found the culprit!
Over the summer the kid's dad was gone for most of the month of June and as I settled my son into this new diet, BK and i were shocked at the changes in my son. His GI issues disappeared, his eyes no longer looked tired and shadowed, his outbreaks were minimal, no more rashes all over his body, and he could make it to the bathroom on time without needed pullups (with explosive poo it's pretty hard to make it in time). It was as if a totally different child had been born. I was so excited and relieved that we had found the answer and realized this was an easy fix.
The ex was emailed allergy results, informed of the diet changes (he'd been invited to the appt but had missed it) and i felt confident we'd seen the last of my son's issues. And then slowly, BK and i noticed that every time my son was returned from dad's, his diarrhea was back along with tummy upsets and wild behavior. I thought for sure he was being given dairy, as we'd been very explicit about the risks of seed allergies and how exposure intensifies them and makes them go anaphylactic with more and more exposure.
This weekend was the final straw for me. The kids went on a camping trip with dad and my son came home to sit on the toilet and spend most the night and next 3 days there. I thought initially that it was dehydration so upped their fluid intake and got some safe sports drinks into all 3 kids. And then the rashes started and the unruly behavior and the inability to keep his poop in the toilet. I looked at my girls and said, "Hey what did R eat this weekend". My 10 year old and my son piped up - spaghetti noodles, his dinosaur nuggets, fruit loops, and various other 'safe' foods. I thought ok, maybe it's a bug. And then my oldest goes, "Oh yeah he had chips". And i knew it. I'd just had a conversation the previous week with the ex telling him that he needed to check all bags of chips as most had switched over to sunflower oil. My son goes on to tell me that dad's GF had offered him BBQ chips and my oldest tells me, "Yeah, J said - hey R do you want to try some of these? and she held out a huge bag of BBQ lays chips. Mom she let R eat half the bag".
I didn't react. My oldest felt bad because she'd told the GF not to let son have them, she knew as i'd already cut out all chips from my home and my girls know what is safe and not safe for son. I felt like i'd been punched in the gut. This was our son's safety we were talking about. So i ran into the allergist needing to have another form signed and the nurse spoke with me, notating all the issues i'd had in his file and said that we needed to get an epipen and she would confirm with the doctor. She gravely reminded me how serious nut and seed allergies are and how quickly they come on and kill, even after having previous reactions be as "mild" as what I'd been dealing with this week.
And so I've spent the week running all over the place trying to get in the paperwork and appropriate forms and emergency plans in order for my son's preschool. This just got serious. And so emails have gone out to the ex, requesting his GF not feed son since she cannot maintain the diet approved and handwritten by the allergist he'd already received. And then i about fell off my chair reading the words of him saying it wasn't that serious and was only a certain type of allergy. Sigh.
Epipens have been ordered. Contingency emergency plans in place. Parent and teachers have been informed of the allergist's recommendations, diet restrictions and epipen prescription. And all i can do is pray and have faith that somehow, sometime soon the ex takes this serious. Because it is. I don't make big deals about things and don't tell him how to ever parent. But when the health of our son is put at risk, i will not be quiet. BK is livid. He doesn't understand how a parent can do this to a child and ignore doctor's and the other parent, let alone willingly feed him something that is a known allergy. He always asks before he ever gives son any type of food if it's safe, he knows but it's like a safety net to make sure he hasn't missed anything. And yet, my son's own father can't even do this. It is so very disappointing and scary.
So i'm left praying. A lot. Praying that dad takes this serious and knows that this is not something I've made up or pumped up for attention. It really isn't that hard, cutting out allergens is pretty simple once you know what to look for. And considering he only feeds them four days and four nights a month, it really shouldn't be that difficult to take seriously. At least i would think it isn't. And this is where i leave my gentle parenting reminder to anyone reading - before ever asking a child if they'd like something to eat make sure and ask the child and their parent if there are any allergies or restrictions. Sometimes it's that simple. My son at 4 can tell you he can't have dairy or nuts and seeds, plain as day. And i can tell you, if you take the time to do that parents like myself will thank you for your consideration. In all seriousness, we're talking about little lives here.
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