My garden

My therapist gave me some really good things to work on emotionally that she feels will really help me start healing, as I've decided i'm tired of being stuck in the rut of the mourning phase. I'm so over it, it's not even funny and I'm also tired of thinking about the kids' dad numerous times a day because quite frankly, he doesn't belong there anymore. Life has to move on, and after 10 months of this sadness I'm over it. It will always be a part of me I'm sure, but i'm ready for the next stage of my life.

Hence the 'homework' to learn how to develop boundaries and learn how to allow healthy people in and keep out the unhealthy ones. Originally I thought my therapist meant this literally, to not befriend or involve unhealthy people in my life as she explained about her mental picture of her 'yard' with a fence around it and whatnot. So i thought that at first I needed to create a mental yard and figure out how to create boundaries with others in day to day life. Then i realized what she was really saying was that this is emotional as well as physical, because sadly there are some people in our lives that we cannot just push out permanently. So then I had to rethink the whole thing . . . took me a few days to work through it and figure out.

And then I realized that my yard was in fact going to be my garden (which is ironic since i have a brown thumb and kill everything that isn't human or pet lol). My garden is surrounded by a beautiful white picket fence on the beach, with a gate that only I can open and close. Inside my three beautiful children are playing on their huge swing set or putting their feet in the stream that runs through my garden. On the far side of the garden are my rose bushes lining the picket fence, growing and perfectly pruned. Another section has dozens and dozens of my favorite flowers, Gerbera Daisies in pinks, oranges, reds, yellows and white. On the opposite side of my garden where the stream rolls into a shallow wading pond a weeping willow provides shade and coolness, this is my favorite spot to read or just dip my feet in the pond and watch my children romp around and enjoy their day, enjoying the smell of the honeysuckle that has wrapped around the arbor covering the grill area that I spend most nights cooking dinner at. There is a stone path that goes from each section, with soft and luscious green grass sprouting and keeping the area cool. And there are cherry trees that blossom year round  and remind me of the fact that strength is reborn repeatedly. Everywhere I look I am reminded of strength, beauty, hope and determination. I have orchids, snapdragons, mustard flowers, lily of the valley, and then there are the lotus' that float around in the pond at my feet. My children love picking dandelions and making wishes, and I don't mind because these are magical flowers in their eyes. At night, as the sun sets dragonflies, butterflies and lightening bugs float around, the flickering of the lightening bugs light up my children's eyes and we all look at each other and realize this truly magical place we have created is ours.

And this is my safe place where no one can enter unless I give them the power to. That is what boundaries are all about! Their dad can't ruin my day no matter how loudly he yells over the fence, because no matter what he says it doesn't ruin the beauty that i'm surrounded by. The pain of the past, can always be checked at the fence and if it becomes too much and i need to get it off my chest, I can open my gate, lock it behind me and go out and take a swim in the ocean that is outside of my garden. I leave it there, come back in and am once again surrounded by my world, my creation and my life. The life of my choosing, a beautiful one full of healthy and strong boundaries. Check your worries at the gate, don't allow others to diminish your beauty, peace and happines and glory in the life you have created.

Pretty simple lesson, one i'm sure i won't perfect right away, but it's something i'm fully willing to work at :)