Today went really well. i got up and pumped then cleaned the bathroom and did some laundry. I was very excited to get some makeup on and do my hair and just feel normal for a few hours. The IP's and my mw's came over around 11:30 and Lyssa got to get a quick hug, kiss and snuggle and some pics with the babe and then ben ran her to school (it's farm week and the local farmers brought their animals for the kindergartners to pet and learn about so she begged us to go to school).

Then we all snuggled with the babe, visited and ate a lovely lunch. I wasn't stressed or nervous or upset. I was just calm. They named her Eden Judith, which totally fits her calm and peaceful nature. She's a sweetie and she's got a touch of jaundice, but slept most of 2 hours they were here. I finally met the IF and he was so grateful and teary eyed and head over heels in love with his daughter. She is the spitting image of him! He was hands on and changed her diaper and soothed her and held her and really reminded me of ben as a new father. IM was calm and content and had me hold Eden for about 30 mins. It was really relaxing and just peaceful. I didnt feel any sadness, anger or hurt anymore. It all flew out the window with looking down at this amazing little creature that I nurtured and brought into the world, and yet dont have to care or worry about. It was a pretty cool feeling. I'm proud of myself, and letting go of the pain and sorrow of the last 9 months. I feel really kickass today.

My mom stopped by and got to meet the IP's and Eden. She was a champ and didnt say anything or act weird around them and was her usual loving self. She even brought over a baby blanket she had sewn for Eden and gave it to the IPs, which really touched their hearts. She focused on playing with Kiki and we visited over lunch and then my mw's did a little check on me upstairs while the IPs walked outside on the back porch with Eden. They were in love with our yard and kept saying that she was such a serene child because she came into this world in such a serene and loving home setting. That made me feel so much better about the homebirth. IM thanked me a million times and got teary eyed and said how she was sorry for all the stress and thankful that her daughter came into the world in my home and into my arms.

There's lots more but i'm still processing it. My mw's both broke down into tears as we were talking about the birth and some of the words they shared with me will forever walk with me through the rest of my life. They continue to build me up and help me see that I really am meant to follow my dreams to become a midwife. They cherished me in ways i've never been cherished before and I got a bit weepy because i love them so dearly. They are no longer just my midwives, they are my dear friends and heros. And they said that i was their hero, which i still dont understand. . . but im thankful for them being in my family's life.

right now I'm going to head out and pick up lyssa and enjoy sitting at the park in the warm sunshine and soak in being with my family while the girls play and i visit with my friend. I'm in such a good place right now that i forever want to remember this day and that all the chaos and stress and pain was truly worth it. i may not understand it, but i did accomplish my goal of helping a family become a family and for that i am thankful and finally proud to call myself a surrogate. Love you all and ill be back later tonight.