Humpty Dumpty

We all know the childhood nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty. "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again".

I married Humpty Dumpty. He had his first fall in 2001 while we were still dating. The co-dependent in me, rushed to put Humpty together again. "I did not cause this,".

Humpty Dumpty had a few more falls through the years after I married him. Usually coinciding right around the one year mark after our children were born. Each time, I apparently thought I was better than all the king's horses and all the king's men and scrambled to put Humpty together again. Each time growing more and more agitated, annoyed, stressed, hurt and angry that I was the only one bothering to put Humpty together again.

And Humpty Dumpty just sat back up on that wall. Swinging his feet, singing to the moon and doing whatever it is that draws Humpty back to that damn wall that clearly is not only unsafe but down right reckless for him. And I skedaddled between trying to draw him off the wall or bracing for impact and hoping I could break his fall so that he wouldn't, once again, fall into pieces. "I cannot control this".

Finally, Humpty Dumpty had his last fall. This time, I stood over him, got really angry, may have even verbally kicked him from my standpoint, wondering why the hell he would climb back on that wall after all the work i'd done to piece him back together. Why would he risk ANOTHER fall, more pain, losing everything? I acted immaturely to say the least, poor guy obviously didn't learn from his past so why would me kicking and screaming like a child make a difference?

And then I stood and took a final look at him. This broken Humpty Dumpty. Hurting, strewn all over the place, not even sure of what pieces belonged to him and which didnt and clearly without the ability or desire to fix himself or avoid the fall in the first place. And I walked away.

"You cannot cure it".