. . . when you leave your spouse.
Don't act sad and pathetic when you realize what single fatherhood is going to be like. Yes, we know it's hard but really, you made this decision it's time to man up and realize that you don't get to play the victim.
Don't ask if your soon to be ex is dating or seeing anyone. It's none of your business. And it comes across as possessive. Also realize that even if she is a big enough person to give you an honest 'no' for the answer, you don't get to then go into the horrible nightmare you had about her moving on. Guilting her about one day finding someone, is not only unfair but down right below the belt. Who she is with, moves on with, meets or any of that . . .is plain and simple no longer any of your business. And if she says she's waiting till the divorce is final, respect her and don't push the subject.
Don't pretend that you're best friends yet and at the stage where you get to confide in them about how hard this is for you. Again, below the belt. If she offers to learn to be your friend and work on forgiveness realize this step in the process is months, possibly years away before she can walk away from this conversation and then go sob to herself because SHE is the one that had her best friend leave her.
If you cheat, lie, steal or hurt your spouse; be respectful and acknowledge the healthy boundaries she is setting up to protect her heart at this time. She may come across as strong and doing just fine, but her heart is still grieving, hurting and from time to time one big emotional mess. Don't try to rush her during the process and if she says she cannot talk about it yet, drop it. You have a lifetime to talk about it, years down the road when the wounds aren't gaping open and she is in a good enough place to share what it was like for her.
Remember, she is doing you a favor by giving you complete access to your children. Yes, they are your children but by allowing constant access it means she has to interact with you. And it's not always easy. Some days she still may want to rip your head off, call you horrible names or ignore you. But she's trying her hardest not to, and trying to be a better person and do what's right for the children. Have some common courtesy and do likewise. If you can't think about her in any other aspect aside from your wife, take a break and only talk to the children. Don't engage and give her the space she has so respectfully requested.
And lastly, quit being a dillhead. It's not about you or her, it's solely about the children. Do the one thing you were never able to do in your marriage and put others first. Be respectful and kind, no matter how you're feeling and realize she is trying to do the same. If you play your cards right and really work at becoming a better human being (as she is trying to do as well), you may just get lucky and one day be able to have a simple friendship and share in the relationship of parenting your children together, and what you've lost between each other wont matter so much any more. She's only human, don't push her.
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